be an effective communicator, notes to self:

- first, understand 对方 motivation, pain points; what do they want?
- they are willing to sit down to talk, they must think I have something they want, e.g. expertise, information
- don't offer suggestions on something they know well, e.g. something they've been working on for years.
- they won't disclose their motivation right away, because they don't trust you yet. your first task is to get them to trust you.
- at least two aspects to trust: do you know what you are talking about? do I feel okay to disclose info to you that might make me vulnerable? at the beginning of the conversation, in the first couple of exchanges, they will want to test both. this is your window of opportunity to prove both true.
- very hard to do this in the first meeting; this is why relationships over a long time is important.