I am a person that I really like to reflect on myself, and I would like reflect my last 4 years love life with 2 guys.
I met the first one in 2021 and at that moment he is the perfect person and he appears the right time when I prepare move from Sydney to somewhere further. He gives me the every right reason and helps me move where I want to move. I have to say!! I did use him at the moment, and I am not quite sure if I really was in love with him or not at that time. It was at the end of the COVID time, and I have been just doing my study and unemployed for a quite long time, but I still managed somehow pay him rent and tried to be independent while in the relationship. Luckily, this kind of hard times was not last really long and my life was on the right track! I started to drive and started to work in some industries that I want to work! The 3 years that I with him, I did feel happiness for a very short period time, but I still with him for 3 years even though I found out that he cheated on me for 4 times during this relationship. I actually prepared myself every single second to leave him, and I know at the end, I just don’t want to give up and I don’t love him! But thanks for him, I learned lots of way to deal with things and be more independent in my life. And when i finially decide this will be over, I met the second one.
It was so quick, I jumped into another relationship less than 2 months since I broke up with the last person. I think I just tired, I stop trying and it has been so comfortable to be with him, like I don’t have to do anything hard and I lost my independence. He just sort of gave me all this pictures and I think I just want to settle down at that stage and I think I find the right one without truly understanding him! He actually had so many red flags in the first couple months. He has trust issues, lost his temper really easy, think himself smarter than everyone, arrogant, cares about money more than me.. I kind of just ingoring everything, cuz I am at the stage that I want to settle down and maybe have kids one day. I have to say I lose all my emotions and become so ugly when I break up with him, maybe because I can’t believe that I see the true him now. Anyway, I did lose control in a very bad way!
I think it is time that I need to focus on myself and start to ask me what kind of life that I truly want, and stop being procrastinating…. And control by others thoughts. I have changed my life goals base on this two guys and it has wasted me 4 years time that I might be able to achieve something in my life. But I am not regret this, I think at that situation, I will do exact same actions and say exact same words. But I can learn from it and find my independence back..
Just want to write this to myself..