谷爱凌的内观日记非常 inspiring
On Ownership

I’ve long espoused a High Saturation Life, defined by my theory of Absolute Value Intensity. Allow me to update this framework from my current position in the backseat, on our way up the mountain.

I will choose a lifetime of intensity over a lifetime of idleness on the principle that all potent experiences are life and living in their most unadulterated form, irrespective of positive/negative value ascription. I mean this less in the literal sense of endorsing a lifetime of torture, but rather an abjuration of a life well lived as defined by the pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain. I want the lifeblood of every experience — ecstasy, despair, hope, fear, doubt, triumph.

Now I understand what I truly mean is not a blind pursuit of intensity — “vitality” in the sacred sense I seek, would be a gross misnomer for hedonism — but rather a life of ownership. I do not eschew respite, but aimlessness. I do not spurn stillness, but stagnation. It is ownership I yearn for — if I do not own my failures, in the fullness of heartbreak and the limpidity of devastation, then I have no right to my victories. If I am to suffer, I will do so willingly, and with the knowledge and clarity that this is my life to experience in every dimension it can offer me. And when I seek pleasure, I will do so with the intentionality & respect life deserves. So yes, I can slow down. I just choose not to. If I do, it’s on me.